How to Tell Your Child "NO!" Effectively

No one likes to hear or say “no.”

When you say it you feel like you might have disappointed or upset someone.

Being able to say and stick to “no” is one of the most common lessons I teach to parents. Small beings are persistent and so darned cute! It makes saying "no" extremely difficult.

In this week’s blog I will teach you about how to make your “no” stick every time!

Insight Into Action!

Parents: How did you shift the quality of your "no"?

Teachers: What is one way you can be more effective with saying "no" to requests from your students?

 

With a little help we can all grow. If a special person in your life can use this information, then please forward this blog.

For more helpful behavior information delivered straight to your inbox every other Tuesday, sign up below.


For real-life behavior help that actually works, check out the Behavior Boost course here:

 
BOOST graphic.png
 

Know your Destination!

"Knowing what you want your small beings to do, is more powerful than just knowing what you want them to stop."

In my private practice parents are calling all the time to discuss reducing, eliminating or stopping problem behaviors. This might be why you read my blog. You want support in getting the yelling to stop or the hitting or the rudeness. It all just needs to go away!

I hear you! I am here to help you get exactly that!

The first question I usually ask a family next is, what do you want instead?

This is a critical question! Because behavior does not just disappear, it has to be replaced. If you stop of small being from yelling, they are going to start talking more. When you stop the rudeness, your small being will start saying please and thank you more. 

When you want to stop a behavior, the first thing to determine is what do you want to happen instead. 

Once you have that answer, then you can change the behavior!

It is that simple!

The challenge is that so many grown ups want to focus on only the problem. Discussing and reviewing and directing the problem. When you do that, you end up focusing on the problem behavior. You see what you are looking for. As Dr. Richard Bandler says, “If you focus on problems, you sure will find them"

To change behavior you have to focus on the replacement behavior. In order to do that, you need to know what behavior you want to use for the replacement. Then build towards that behavior. 

My favorite example of this is preschool boys on the playground. The often get in trouble for playing rough. They are told, “No playing ninjas” and “No cops and robbers”. They are also told “No super hero games” and “No karate practice”. When you ask them what they are playing, they look all confused. They have no idea what to play. Often, I will suggest, “What about tag?” Their eyes light up and off they run. 

All they need is one idea of how to run around the playground and not get in trouble. When they are only told what not to play, they are stuck. When they are told what to play, they can succeed!

Start telling your small beings what to play! Give them a destination and watch the behavior change!!

In the United States - Today is a Big Day!!

Today is a time full of families and Bar-b-Que’s and Fireworks. We sure do know how to celebrate today!

Ever stop and think about what we are actually celebrating. It is the nations birthday, it is the best birthday party ever! It is also independence day, celebrating independence as a birthday gift. What a gift it is!!

Sit down with your small beings today, maybe in-between corn on the cob and some potato salad and make a list of the freedoms your family is grateful for. Highlighting this for your children is powerful to teach them to recognize the gifts in their life.

So many families call me and ask about how to teach their children to appreciate their life and all the advantages they have. This is how you do it. One conversation at a time. Just remember you need to keep having the conversations about the gifts and joys and magic in their lives.

I will start you off:

1. I am grateful for the freedom of speech! (it allows me to share my views)

2. Thank you for the freedom of education! (children around the country have schools to attend because that is a freedom in our country) 

3. Thank you for independent publishing (it is how i published my book, Love Your Classroom Again)

4. I am grateful for independence in travel! (Plane or train or bus, I can move around the country safety to visit friends and family)

5. Independence of choice! (we get to choice what we have for breakfast, what clothes to wear and what tv show to watch…so many many many choices in our lives)

6.

7.

8.

9. 

10.

You finish the list! Let me know you what you add…would love to hear it!!

The Secret to Clean-Up Time

Sometimes it feels that kids don’t want to clean up.

You tell them fifty times to put away their blocks and they still don’t do it.

It feels like they are being defiant, but what I’ve found in my practice, both in-person and online, is that small beings often simply don’t know how to clean up.

The fact is, what is logical to you, is not always logical to a small being. You might instinctively know where to start, but often they’re sitting there doing nothing because they’re baffled!

Don’t believe me? Hear it from a small being, the Behavior + Beyond resident actress.

Insight Into Action!

Parents: When will you commit to teaching your kid the right way to clean up?

Teachers: How can you make clean up a part of your daily lesson plan and/or classroom routine?

 

With a little help we can all grow. If a special person in your life can use this information, then please forward this blog.

For more helpful behavior information delivered straight to your inbox every Tuesday, sign up below.

A Simple Exercise to Do When You're Frustrated and Hating Your Kids

You hate to admit it.

And you’re super embarrassed to say so.

But sometimes … you feel like you hate your kid! If you’re a teacher then this could apply to your students!

Being a parent or teacher can put so much weight on your mind that it feels too much to bear.

So when this thought crosses your mind it feels powerful and real.

I’d like you to know that feeling that way is completely normal!

And there is a way to deal with it!

In the video below you'll learn a simple exercise, what I call the Rule of Three, that you can use to quickly move through this emotion!

Insight Into Action!

Parents: How can you remind yourself to do the Rule of 3 in your moments of frustration?

Teachers: When do you feel most frustrated with your students? How can you turn those feelings around?

 

With a little help we can all grow. If a special person in your life can use this information, then please forward this blog.

For more helpful behavior information delivered straight to your inbox every Tuesday, sign up below.

How Kids Know if They Should Listen to You

Do you ever feel like a broken record when you talk to your kids?

Over and over and over again you tell them to do something … and then they never do it!

Then you're left feeling disrespected and frustrated.

The thing is, your small beings won't listen if they don't believe you.

Be honest! Do you really mean, “It’s time for dinner?” Do you start screaming for them to come 10 minutes before dinner is actually ready because you expect them not to listen?

The only way to get your kiddos to listen is for you to say things that you actually mean.

When you don’t feel strongly about a rule, small beings sense that and respond accordingly.

If you don’t believe me, then hear it from a kid. Today, the Behavior + Beyond resident small being tells you why you better believe in what you say before you give direction to a small being.

Insight Into Action!

Parents: What is one common request you make of your small being that they often ignore? How can you be more clear in your directions?

Teachers: What is one common frustration with student behavior? How can you be more clear in your direction before the behavior happens?

 

With a little help we can all grow. If a special person in your life can use this information, then please forward this blog.

For more helpful behavior information delivered straight to your inbox every Tuesday, sign up below.

Help! I Feel Like My Kid’s Maid

It seems like everywhere kids go they leave a trail of mess behind them that adults must clean.

A defeated parent wrote to me: “Help! I feel like my kid’s maid!”

And I could understand her pain.

Many parents and even teachers feel that they spend most of their time cleaning their child’s mess instead of enjoying their company.

Are you in this category? If so, you’re going to love this month’s Dr. Marcie Ask Me Anything.  

In this blog you’ll find out exactly what to say to avoid this situation and the concrete steps to take to make the mess train stop!

Click below to get essential strategies to stop acting like a maid for your small beings and get back to being their parent or a teacher.

Insight Into Action!

Parents: What is one activity that you can try giving clean, concrete suggestions to your small being?

Teachers: What's the next lesson you can implement solid directions for clean up?

 

With a little help we can all grow. If a special person in your life can use this information, then please forward this blog.

For more helpful behavior information delivered straight to your inbox every Tuesday, sign up below.

How to Tell Your Child “No” to a Snack at Mealtime … or to Anything!

Kids have impressive negotiation abilities; I am often in awe of their stamina in arguing their point.

Just because a small or medium being likes to argue doesn’t mean that they dictate the rules.

Your child might demand a snack before mealtime, for example. The strength of her whines should not determine if she gets a cookie or not, because if you relent here’s what she learns: forcefully whining works.

You are the parent. You are the teacher. When you stick to your word, when you use my principle “mean what you say,” you stop that little negotiator in her tracks!

And you don’t have to be a general to make this happen!

Does this seem like it’s an impossible dream?

I’ve demonstrated how this works to many, many parents in my private sessions.

So I asked the Behavior + Beyond resident actress to help me demonstrate this principle for all of the people who haven’t seen it implemented in-person.

Click below to see a behavior demonstration that will give you the strategies you need to be a far superior negotiator than your child.

Insight Into Action!

Parents: Pick a day that you will stay firm in your rules around dinner time. Stick to doing so!

Teachers: Where do you usually cave with your students? Pick one place to set firm boundaries and work every day to stick to it.

 

With a little help we can all grow. If a special person in your life can use this information, then please forward this blog.

For more helpful behavior information delivered straight to your inbox every Tuesday, sign up below.

How Lack of Clarity Can be the Reason Your Kids Aren't Listening to You

Kids are always listening!

Whether they show it or not, they’re tuned into everything you do and say.

So when you say something that is approximately true, for example “dinner will be in a minute” when it is actually ready in five or ten minutes, your kids will get confused.

They’ll also learn that you don’t always mean what you say.

Speaking with purpose is one of my cardinal principals because children will not listen when they do not trust your word. (Click to Tweet)

Don’t take my word for it! I recently asked our resident actress to tell you herself.

Click below to find out why kids think that clarity is important.

Insight Into Action!

Parents: How can you be more consistent with what you say to your children?

Teachers: How can you follow through more on what you say to your students? 

 

With a little help we can all grow. If a special person in your life can use this information, then please forward this blog.

For more helpful behavior information delivered straight to your inbox every Tuesday, sign up below.