Writing this blog feels like I’m standing on stage naked in front of you.
It has taken me several weeks to actually sit down and write this post. Every time I open the draft document I freeze.
What will people think?
I’ve finally answered that question for myself. I know that you will understand and might also have had a similar experience before. Please read this with tenderness and kindness, and know that the mere act of writing this post required tremendous strength and patience from myself.
My vision is terrible. Worse yet, for years my eyes suffered from intense pain. They got sore, achy, and tired. I went to a few eye doctors. The typical response: Too much time on the computer and mayb allergies.
But my eyes never got better and in the past several months the pain ncreased.
I knew I had to find a better answer, but I didn’t know how.
Recently I went to a retreat up at Omega. I was sitting across from a holistic doctor and mentioned that I suffered from chronic eye pain. This doctor said some interesting things about eye pain so I booked an appointment with him as soon as I got back.
The first eye exam -- which took under an hour to complete -- revealed that I needed vision therapy.
he voice in my head immediately said: ait, that can’t be tru, my eye pain is not that bad, there must be another wa.
But it was true -- this doctor discovered that I have a visual processing challenge/struggle/disorder. There is a probably a name for this challenge and in fact I think the doctor told me several times, but I didn’t hear and I honestly don’t want to know. I believe that the actions we need to take to solve an issue are more important than the label. (Tweet)
Without delay I started vision therapy.
It has been one of the hardest things I have had to do – which is a big statement coming from someone with a doctorate. The focus of my vision therapy is to get my eyes to work better together. It feels like social skills training for my eyes. The one perk is that I get to wear an eye patch and pretend to be a pirate. :.)
This experience affects me on many levels. I feel ashamed and embarrassed, as if I’ve done something wrong and bad. I feel self conscious, like everyone around me is judging me for this “awful” thing that has been uncovered about my abilities. I feel like a fraud, as if all my accomplishments, studies, experience and knowledge vanished with one eye exam. I feel sad and angry and frustrated and alone and confused.
In the long run going through vision therapy will benefit my life. No more eye pain! Also, I’m improving my eyesight nd visual processing - certainly a plu. Did you know that your eye is made of brain tissue? It’s the first part of your brain to form. I’m more confident in the malleability of our brains to deal with new challenges! Small steps do lead to big changes (check out Amy Cudy’s TedTalk for inspiration).
Why am I sharing my story with you?
• I think you can relate
• I’m gaining a new insight to how small being struggle with behavior and will bring that empathy to my practice and this blog
• Sharing my struggle makes me feel less alone and scared – If I can share my story – you can too!
Ideas into Action!
What challenge have you had to face that scared you? (And perhaps had you running for some ice cream?)
Leave your feedback, experience and thoughts in the comment section below this post or email directly at DrMarcie@BehaviorAndBeyond.net with your behavior insights!
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