The Potential in the Conflict: A Behavior Success Story

Here's a story of behavior success and a chance to relax from your busy day and smile!

Many of the small and medium beings I work with have a love-hate relationship with me. We have similar ups and downs that they have with their parents. 

They tend to love me when things are going well and become angry with me when they fail to manipulate me. 

Fortunately, I've learned that no matter what, the love will always triumph!

Here's a something that's happened many times before (of course, it's not a specific story as those are strictly private):

I walk into the home of a new family. The small being is about nine years old and there is one younger sibling.  One parent is present at the start of the session and the second parent comes home in about an hour. My sessions are three hours long. 

During this first visit the small being fights with me for over half of it, and not just verbally but physically. He calls me a liar and cheater, then tries to kick me out of the house. He starts ranting that he is going to kill me and that not even prisoners are treated this bad. He says I am evil.  

Unfortunately, my presence gives the parents a break from receiving his daily assaults.

For the last 15 minutes of the session we have a family meeting. The mother, father, small being and the sibling. First, I asked the small being to tell me what he thinks of the session. 

He says, “Good.”

I ask, “What do you think about me coming back again?”

(Notice that I do not ask if I could come back, as that is not his choice.)

He says, “Sure, but not tomorrow, I have soccer class. The day after, Thursday, that would be good.”

Wow, that is so soon! 

So I say, “That is very soon. I was thinking of coming back in a few weeks. But do you want to tell me why you thought sooner?” 

He says, “Because you helped me. I don’t feel the anger.”

This is huge! Both parents expected him to never want me back in the home again.

The moral: We don’t always get to have the follow up conversation like in this story and small beings are not always so articulate, but even when things on the outside seem super hard, know that on the inside good things are happening for small beings!

How does this relate to your experience working with small beings? Respond to this email and let me know.

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Blue skies,