Sometimes I feel confused
How I use confusion to stop me from taking positive action…
| Time to Reflect This summer I have taken a lot of time to reflect, to think about life. There is so much unfolding in the world. I feel overwhelmed by it all. So, I decided to focus on me because I do have control over how I show up in the world. Certainly there are things that I am proud of myself for and ways that I now see that I do a great job taking care of myself and others. This email is not about those realizations. Today I wanted to share one of the habits I uncovered that I am actively working to change. I’m sharing it because I realized I do it in every area of my life. It felt shocking! In my work I talk about how we do one thing is how we do everything, usually in reference to building positive habits. The way you navigate frustration is the same with colleagues, as clients, as your kids, as your partner. Perhaps to different degrees but usually it’s all the same strategy. So when I teach new tools, I emphasize how it can become a habit that improves all areas of your life. But to see it, in my own life. To watch how I do this same destructive thing in how I meal plan to how I build my business. It has shaken something inside. In the beginning I would catch myself multiple times a day. Now it is usually just about once a day. My brain is so sneaky it dresses up this bad habit in so many creative ways. So I need to be on the lookout if I really want to change this habit…which I do! |
| My Bad Habit is Confusion Yup, my bad habit is confusion. I tell myself that ‘I don’t know’ and it stops me from making decisions, from taking action, from building a better life. Ok, it might not sound that bad. Given some of the negative habits people have but it’s not a competition and let me show you a bit of how it shows up. In small ways, like when I am planning dinner. I will look in my fridge and say, “I just don’t know what to do for dinner.” Since it is just me, the thought ends there. When I am with other people, this habit does not show up here because I am more willing to put in the effort to help others. I let the confusion drive, so I take no action. I don’t order food or decide to go to the grocery store to pick something up to make for dinner. I don’t go to the pantry and find something to make. I just feel confused and defeated about dinner and do nothing. Then I get so hungry that I have to eat. At this point, I’m too hungry to make something because that takes too much time, so I just grab a bag of potato chips from my cabinet or a bowl of popcorn or chocolate and eat that for dinner. In medium ways, like what to write to you in my weekly email. Have you ever noticed that I sometimes don’t send an email for weeks or months? Now, sometimes that is because life is unfolding in ways that I don’t have the capacity or time to write. Though, many times it is because ‘I don’t know what to write’. I don’t want to waste your time. I don’t want to share something stupid. I wonder if my message is appropriate given what’s happening in the world. I worry that talking about building joy when the world is on fire is wrong. I just don’t know what story to share. So I don’t share anything. I let my confusion stop me from connecting with you…sometimes. In big ways, this bad habit of feeling confused stops me from building my business. I will sit down at my computer to do outreach for speaking engagements and this fear will sneak in. I think, ‘I don’t know who to reach out to’ or ‘I don’t know if my message is good for this company’. So I don’t send the email or apply to be a speaker at that conference. Networking is key for my work, yet sometimes I think, ‘I don’t even know who wants to know about my private practice’. So I don’t reach out to new connections. Sometimes I have a long list of things I want to do on a day when I’m not speaking or seeing private clients, I look at the list and think, ‘I just don’t know where to start’. My internal confusion can stop me from taking action steps. |
| Golden Nugget of the Week: 1. Awareness is the first step towards change! Now that I know that I use confusion to stop me from taking action, I can look for that feeling and make a different choice when it arises. I can feel confused and make a dinner plan anyway. I can feel confused and write you an email with my best of intentions. I can feel confused and guess what companies would be a good match to receive conflict resolution tools. I can feel confused and still take a step forward! 2. The way we do anything is the way we do everything! My feeling confused is a limiting belief that impacts multiple areas of my life. It has a little bit of a different look in each place but it is the same core experience…feeling like I just don’t know what to do or if it matters. So I am looking in all areas of my life to change this feeling. Change requires small steps and sometimes those steps need to happen in multiple areas of our lives. 3. Consider your bad habits. We all have ways that we keep ourselves small. We think they are keeping us safe, when really they are taking away from our lives. In sharing mine, I am hoping that you may see your own. Once you see it, you can start to make change! It is human to have these habits and it is powerful to make a different decision when they arise. |
| One Step at a Time First I want to thank you for reading this far and holding my insights with compassion. Sharing my own flaws comes with a lot of big feelings. I’m working on sitting in those feelings. I know it is powerful to sit in this type of discomfort. Writing this is helping me grow and my hope is that it is helping you grow also. Let me know what this sparked in you. Maybe it sparked the realization that everyone is navigating negative beliefs. Maybe it is the reminder that just because something seems easy for someone doesn’t mean it is. Maybe it struck something inside for you and you are seeing your own habit. Maybe it inspired you to do some reflection on your positive habits because seeing the good we do is just as important as exploring our challenges. Maybe it reminds you that we are all human and taking one step at a time! Know that whatever your habits – positive or negative – I am here to support you in any way I can! |
PS – There is still time to vote for my SXSW session. Learn more about it in last weeks note – clicking here 🙂
