Being there for my family When I heard my mom needed surgery, everything else faded into the background

I was not expecting this call A few weeks ago I was walking to a lunch meeting and my mom called. I smiled and answered the phone and figured we would have a lovely chat as I made my way to the restaurant. My mom had something important to tell me, I could hear it in her voice. I asked if she was ok, expecting her to say yes. She didn’t. She calmly told me she had very early stage breast cancer. My heart sank. I was ready to cancel everything and run home. The word cancer consumed all my thoughts. I took a breath and kept listening. She told me the fact – it was very small, surgery was scheduled, the doctors didn’t think she would need anything after surgery. The facts helped. The feelings still flooded me. We hung up as I got to lunch, with a colleague I had only met one other time. Sitting down I smiled and then said, “I’m sorry, I’m distracted, I just received some news about my mom. I know we are here to chat about work and collaborating but I’m not sure I can focus on that.” She was so kind and said, “No apologies. What would best support you right now? Do you want to tell me about your mom or talk about something else?” I was not expecting that, though I know that I would have responded the same way if the situation was reversed.

My Mom is OK

The truth is that distracted feeling stuck around till early this week.

Her surgery was last week and I was there with my dad. We did Wordle as she waited in pre-op. She gave stickers to everyone who came into her room. Yes, even as she waited for her surgery she was spreading joy. That is simply who she is!

My dad and I waited. Thankfully the surgery did not take long and within a few hours we were taking her home. She was chatty and hungry. Both good signs.

Once home she wanted some lunch and then we did a jigsaw puzzle. I was not expecting this and was delighted. Seeing her on the other side of surgery was like taking a deep breath after holding it for too long.

Over the next few days I kept checking in and she kept feeling fine!

Now the fog started to lift. The distracted feeling started to fade. My mom was ok!

To celebrate her, I wanted to share this video with you. The lessons in it are about how to be positive in our own minds, how words create impact. The story is about my childhood and how my mom supported me. Just like the stickers she gave out in the hospital, she parented with joy and kindness.

Golden Nugget of the Week: 1. Family matters most. While I was navigating this with my family many other things slipped through the cracks. I didn’t send you my Friday emails. I was behind on non-urgent emails. I skipped the gym many days. I reserved my energy for where I needed to be present: my sessions with clients, my speaking engagements, and with my family. It is ok to prioritize our energy, time, and focus! 2. The way we talk to ourselves is the way we talk to others. Mom has been such a strong example of this my entire life. She sees the good in herself, she sees the good in others. Hear more about how she did this and get tools for yourself in this video. 3. Get a mammogram. My mom is so diligent about her health and doctor appointments. She went one year and a day after her last mammogram (the soonest she could go) and that is when they caught her cancer. The mammogram did it’s job and helped detect this early so the experience was smooth. Please make sure you are doing what you need to do to keep yourself healthy! If you don’t have breasts, encourage the people in your life who do to get one!

One step at a time

Crossing the bridge between personal and professional can feel tricky to me. Especially when it comes to talking about my family in this way. Yet, what I found was people have been so compassionate and understanding.

Every email that sat in my inbox for a bit too long, I opened with an apology and short summary that I was focused on my mom having surgery. People have been so patient with my delay.

Every call or meeting that I delayed, when I shared why, people were happy to reschedule.

Every friend I called for support was able to show up for me the best they could and hold a positive possibility for ease through this process.

It can be hard for me to ask for help and share what is unfolding in my personal life. Yet, it has been met with such kindness and support in all directions. It helps me feel optimistic and connected.

Maybe your small step is to let someone else know what is challenging in your world. Maybe your small step is to hold love and compassion for someone who is going through something hard. Maybe it is both.

Maybe your small step is getting a mammogram or encouraging a loved one to get one.

Maybe your small step is being kinder in your own mind and extending compassion to yourself.

Now that my mom is ok, I see so many lessons from this journey. I am grateful it has been so smooth because I know that is not always the case.

Thank you for holding my story and my family with compassion. Thank you for being part of my community and learning alongside me. Thank you for the love and kindness you bring to the world.