My anxiety was keeping me up at night
| I ordered a bookcase I moved into my current home about 3 years ago. The last place I lived had built-in bookshelves in every room. It was amazing! It also meant that I didn’t have any bookshelves as I settled into my new home. So in the first few weeks, as I unpacked, I just stacked my books on the floor where I planned to put a bookshelf. As perhaps you have experienced, there were bigger priorities as I decorated my new home. Getting a couch, figuring out my entrance way for coats and shoes, and hanging art all needed to happen first. By the time I was ready to order a bookshelf, I was over decorating. I thought I would do that next week. Well, that thought continued for 3 years. My books happily waited on the floor. I felt pangs of embarrassment when people came over, a reminder that I really needed a bookshelf. Yet, after they left, it went to the bottom of the to-do list. Until a few weeks ago, I finally decided to get a bookshelf! I measured, I searched online, and I found one I liked. I ordered it, did a happy dance, and then started to worry… |
| The anxiety was overwhelming The delivery window was 3 days. The box was going to be 60 pounds. I live in a small building—no one to accept packages for me. I live on a main street in Brooklyn—no safe nook to place a big package if I didn’t answer the door. My mind started creating every worst-case scenario possible. The delivery was suppose to arrive when I was working from home, I couldn’t stop in the middle of a parent training session to answer the door. They were going to leave it outside, and someone would steal it. They would deliver it, and then I would not be able to carry it up the stairs to my apartment. There were many more, but you get the idea. Logically, I knew this was not a big deal, but my mind did not agree. It kept circling around all the problems that could happen. After a few days of this, I took a breath and said out loud, “STOP!” I needed my brain to stop going in circles. It was making it hard to fall asleep at night. I was waking up worried about this. I knew it was just a bookshelf and was not that big a deal, yet my anxiety would not calm down. So I used all the tools I had. Each time my mind started to worry, I would say, “I am trusting it will work out.” Truth is, I had just as much reason to think the delivery would go smoothly as I did to worry about it. So I decided to believe it would work out. I started to create the story I wanted to happen. I, out loud, told myself the delivery would come when I was home and available, it would be in multiple boxes so I could easily carry it upstairs, and all would be great. Sometimes I didn’t believe the story, I kept telling it anyway. I also told myself the worst-case scenario to realize it was not that bad. I would survive any of the worst-case scenarios, and that was comforting. These tools stayed in place until the bookshelves arrived, making the wait so much easier! |
| Golden Nuggets of the Week: 1. Anxiety does not follow logic. I kept telling myself that it was not that big a deal, it was just bookshelves. My anxiety did not care and acted as if this delivery was the most essential thing in the world. Sometimes our feelings don’t match reality, and that’s ok. 2. The tools only work if you use them. Knowing the tools is not enough; you have to use them. I know many things to navigate anxiety, and that does not stop it from happening to me. I had to actively use the tools multiple times a day to feel the impact. The more I used them, the easier it got. Yet knowing about them does not magically keep anxiety away. 3. Find the positive possibilities. Practice building the positive story, even when you are not feeling anxious. Yes, my anxiety was keeping me up at night. Yes, it was really uncomfortable in my head for a few days. Yes, I practice looking for the good and telling myself the positive possibilities all the time, and I believe that made this experience easier. I remembered to use the tools faster because I am familiar with them. I could see the anxiety loop I was in because I practice looking at my thoughts and feelings. When we practice shifting to the positive, it makes it easier to do it when we need it. |
| One step at a time The bookshelf arrived late in the day after I was done with all my appointments. It came when I was home and able to answer the door. It came in one big box that was too heavy for me to carry up the flight of stairs to my apartment. So, in the entrance way, I opened up the box and took a few pieces out. Carried them up to my apartment. Then went back and did it again. After three trips, I was able to carry the box with everything that was left in it. Problem-solving how to bring the pieces upstairs didn’t stress me out because I was ready. I had thought about what to do if this happened and knew the answer. My anxiety wasn’t just there to disrupt my sleep. It helped me problem-solve and think through the delivery. Working with and through my anxiety made it a successful experience. Anxiety itself can be a great tool to know what we need to focus on and think about. It is a problem when it runs our day(s). Check in on yourself and how you are feeling. Learn tools that help you when you are feeling anxious. Teach these tools to your kids, share them with friends, and suggest them to co-workers. If you need help, let me know…I would love to help you find the right tools for your anxiety or your kids’ anxiety. Ok – I know often I end with a picture, and I was hoping to include a picture of the bookshelves for you today. But, I can’t. I have not put them together yet. That is on my to-do list for this weekend. I do love putting together furniture! So, I am looking forward to putting them together and giving my books a proper home 🙂 |
