Moving Through Tragedy
| I didn’t know Some days I don’t look at the news. Either because I am too busy or because I need a mental health break. Wednesday was one of those days. I didn’t look at the news. I didn’t open social media. I didn’t know what happened in the world, just what was unfolding in my bubble. Thursday morning, I woke up and went to the gym. After class, I was talking casually with a woman in my Barre class. I asked her how she was doing. She said she didn’t sleep well last night. My response, “I’m so sorry. Hopefully, tonight will be better.” She said, “Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened in Minnesota.” Oh, I realize I am suppose to know what happened. Yet I don’t. I had a flash of considering pretending I knew and decided against it. I went with honesty. I said, “I didn’t look at the news yesterday. What happened?” She took a deep breath and said, “Are you sure?” I said, “Yes, tell me.” Then she shared about Renee Nicole Good. For about 20 minutes we talked. She fills me in on the details, the response from leaders in our country, and all the feelings. I’m at a loss. She is at a loss. We found the conversation turning to where do we go from here. Sharing that feeling of helplessness, confusion, shock. I said, “When tragedy happens, I create moments of joy with those I love. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. I also know how important it is and how healing it can be.” She said, “Joy is an act of rebellion.” |
| My day continued… Every call I had after that started with the same tenderness. With the opening greetings came a sense of heartbreak. Everyone slightly distracted and impacted. It is important not to pretend that all is well. It is important not to ignore the feelings. It is important to connect. I am a big believer in feeling your feelings and knowing that action is an agent for healing. Whatever you are feeling, let yourself feel it – the sadness, the shock, the anger, the confusion. Let your feelings fuel intentional, impactful action. As I sit on Friday morning, considering what to write to you, I know it is important to talk about Renee Nicole Good and all that has unfolded/is unfolding in Minnesota. I know it is important to remind you of the mental health tools you have to help you move forward in the world with kindness and love. I know it is important to write to you with love and hope. It has taken me a while to figure out today’s action steps. How to write to you with hope in this moment. Then I remember, while this moment is unique and this tragedy feels different, the tools for moving through hard moments are the same. The strategies we talk about every week apply here. The nuance is different, the topic more heartbreaking, the tools the same. Here are a few of my beliefs: All lives are valuable. Standing up for each other is important. Community is powerful. People should be safe to express their views peacefully. Violence is never the answer. This week, my golden nuggets will be how to move through this moment, yourself, or in conversations with your kids, with love, compassion, and kindness. |
| Golden Nuggets: 1. Breathe. When we hear news like this, we often hold our breath, literally. Keep breathing. Slowly, intentionally. It helps your nervous system stay calm and helps you think more clearly. 2. Create time to process. Life is busy, and it is easy to stay in action. Carve out time to process your feelings. Perhaps taking some time alone to journal. Perhaps setting up tea with a friend to talk. Perhaps a yoga class where you can let yourself feel the emotions in your body. Perhaps a therapy session where a professional helps you feel through this moment. It is important to create time and space to feel your feelings. 3. Hug the people you love. Tell the people you love that you love them. Show the people you love that you love them. Tomorrow is not promised, so do it today. Connect with family, friends, colleagues, and let them know you appreciate them and how special they are. It does not need to be a big production; a simple thank you or text of gratitude can do wonders. 4. Check in on people around you. It can feel easy to wait for someone else to bring it up or ignore the real-life events that are unfolding. Don’t. Especially with your kids. Bring up the topic. Ask your kids and loved ones what they heard and how they are feeling. See how you can provide support or ask for support for yourself. If you want tools on how to talk with your kids, here is a webinar I did in September that will help. 5. Take action to change the world. The specific actions are not my area of expertise. I have organizations that I trust and turn to in moments like this. Please find the ones that you trust and align with your values. Maybe you want to donate to Renee Nicole Good’s family or to organizations that are fighting for human rights. Maybe you want to go to a protest or demonstration. Maybe you want to support those in your local community. The list goes on and on. Find some way to take action; it will shift how you feel and allow you to be part of the solution. |
| One step at a time I know that the tools can feel insufficient. That the steps feel small in light of what feels so big. Yet, change happens one step at a time. Small steps lead to big change. And as we all take small steps forward, we create a collective force that makes big change come faster. May this be a moment that creates massive change. Some steps that you will take will come from other sources; that is great. We all have a part to play. Take the action steps that are right for you and your family to create the change in the world you want to see. Take steps to demonstrate love to yourself and your family every day. Find ways to bring more kindness into small moments: A smile as you check out at the grocery store. Holding the door for a stranger. Complimenting someone. Play games with your family. Eat delicious food together. Tell jokes that make you laugh. In moments of tragedy, when everything feels heavy and hopeless, create moments of joy. Joy is an act of rebellion! |
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