I Judged a Book by its Cover…even though they say not to…
Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover
| I listened to the hype About 2 years ago, a book came out, and it seemed like EVERYONE was talking about it. It was categorized as a self-help book and talked about kids and anxiety. In my professional world, every colleague was talking about and every parent was asking me about it. In my personal life, every other person was asking me about it also. The smart thing would have been to read the book and form my own opinions. I did not do the smart thing. I listened to what people were saying about it, read a few articles, and decided I knew enough. From that, I formed my opinion. When people asked, I would first ask for their thoughts. Then repeat one of the soundbites from those who criticized the content, because my ‘research’ had led me to believe this book was not worth the hype. |
| Then I learned more This week, I was talking with a colleague about growth and supporting parents to watch (and not intervene) in moments when their kids were failing. It’s a topic for another time, but the power of learning through failure is enormous! I could not figure out how to phrase it in a way that sounded productive and accessible. She asked me if I had heard the term antifragile before. I hadn’t, so she went on to share how it is the idea that challenges can help us thrive. She gave an example of trees, they only grow deep and sturdy roots because of the wind that literally challenges their ability to stand tall. It was brilliant and described exactly what I was trying to say. I wanted to use this concept in my article (which I did and you can check out here), so I asked her where she learned this concept. She named the book I had written off. My jaw dropped. She looked at me confused, as she had assumed I read the book back in the day when it came out. Like she did. So she couldn’t understand my shock. I shared that I never actually read the book, a bit sheepishly. Explaining that I had read some reviews on the internet and decided there was nothing in there for me. With all her kindness, she said she understood but that I was wrong. She got how I made my conclusion and that I missed out on so much good because there was so much in this book that was not in the highlight reals on social media. I decided it was time for me to read this book for myself! Well, listen to it 🙂 and form my own opinions. |
| Golden Nuggets: We live in a world with all sorts of information at our fingertips and countless people’s opinions about that information. This leads to two things happenings: 1. It makes it hard to say, “I don’t know”. 2. It makes it easy to read a little and act like we know a lot. 1. It’s ok to not know. Looking back, I wish I felt comfortable telling people that I didn’t read the book and asked for their insights. That I led all the conversations I had with curiosity about the other person’s experience with the information. I felt like I had to put on my ‘kid expert hat’ and join in conversations, sharing information that may not have been relavent to that book or what it actually said. 2. Accept time is limited. Everyone said I should read the book 2 years ago. At the time, life felt full and I didn’t prioritize reading that book at that time. That is ok. I wish I said that when people asked me about it and share what was filling my time that felt more important. We can’t do everything and need to stop pretending we can just fit in an audiobook. I didn’t and that is ok. 3. First hand information is important. The internet is full of places to get summaries and misinformation, many of which make the information feel real and true and factual. There is no replacement for learning something for yourself. That can look like reading the book before generating opinions or fact checking a social media post. It can look like finding the research behind a statistic shared on the news or simply questioning if the information is true before you repeat it. I wish I had simply said, I haven’t read the book yet and therefore can’t tell you my thoughts. |
| One page at a time… So far, I am enjoying the book. Partially because it is a practice in letting go of my preconceived ideas. Partially because I love learning more about kids and how different people see their experiences in the world. I am watching for moments in my life where I act as if one nugget of information is enough to hold an entire conversation. I am vulnerably admitting what I don’t know, or starting sentences with “I wonder if…”. Letting it be clear that I am making up a possibility. There is also a reflection on how quick I was to dismiss someone else’s accomplishment. Rather than looking at this author and saying, ‘Wow, he is putting his thoughts out there and that’s brave.” I dismissed his work and redirected conversations back to what I already knew about believed about anxiety. The small steps this week feel more like a possible prospective shift:Noticing when you read one an instagram post and think you are informed about world politics. Consider checking a reputable news source for more information.Pause when you take the truth from a tik tok video, without a second thought. Do a few searches on the internet for some additional sources to confirm the truth before you share it.Pay attention when you negate someone else’s hard work. Lead with kindness and raise others up, especially if they are trying to do good in the world. We don’t have to agree on everything in order to acknowledge the good being done.Reflect on moments when you found it hard to say I don’t know and pretended to have more knowledge. Find people and places where you can practice not knowing, being confused, and asking for help. To me, this is all about being human. We pretend we know things to fit in. We find it hard to not follow the trends. We want to believe people are telling us the truth. So don’t fault yourself for any of these experiences. Take them as learning moments. Chances to literally learn more, rather than judging a book by its cover. If we all take steps in this direction, the world will be a much better place, because we will be able to have more open and honest conversations! |
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