How do you birthday?
| I do not reflect on my birthday Wednesday, I was having dinner with a friend in my backyard. It was my birthday eve, and they asked me what rituals I do on my birthday. I must have looked confused because they rephrased and said, ‘I just wonder what your birthday means to you?’ I’m pretty sure they were expecting a deep, heartfelt, soul-connecting answer about how I pour over the past year and use it as a guiding force to plan for the year ahead. Many people I know do something along these lines, and I love that. I love hearing about what they learned about the past year. I love hearing how that helps them think about the year to come. I love hearing about how they catch patterns they didn’t realize were unfolding in their lives, ones to intentionally continue and ones they wish to break. There are many different moments in my life where I do something like this. Taking time to reflect, to absorb, to dream about the future is so important. My birthday has never felt like the time for that. |
| My answer was…. I closed my eyes, which felt a little weird, but I wanted to find the right words. My birthday has always been more of a feeling. So, I worked to find the right words to share this feeling. The words I found went something like this: ‘My birthday is about joy. It is a chance to celebrate, and my favorite part is sharing that celebration with others. In our lives, we don’t take many moments to just enjoy and be happy. My birthday feels like a chance for that, to simply be happy that I am alive and do it in a way that extends beyond me.’ Once I found my words, I realized I had many. I continued on, saying, ‘Birthdays feel so special to me because everyone can have one. I know some cultures don’t celebrate them, and that is okay. Some people don’t know their birth date, yet we know they were born, so we can create a date that is special for them to celebrate each year. It feels like a day that every person can create for themselves. An excuse to be happy, amid all the chaos of the world. A day to celebrate that they woke up every day for 365 days and are still here. That, to me, feels like something we should all celebrate.’ In my 20’s my birthday celebrations reflect this idea of joy so directly…at least from my perspective. I would get a 20-scoop ice cream sundae, called a Vermonster. I would put it in a cooler and bring it to Central Park. I would bring small cups and tons of spoons, some blankets, and some games. Then I would invite everyone to join me in the park. The sundae and I would show up about 1 pm and stay till the sun went down. As people came, we scooped out a bit of sundae, just for them. Then we would hang. I would watch new friendships get made. I would watch people enjoy ice cream like they were 5 again. I would invite strangers who passed with confused looks to join the fun. I would watch the birthday joy flow, and that was the best! |
| This year it rained This year I planned to take myself to the beach for my birthday day. It was Thursday, so most of my loved ones needed to work. So I was going to go by myself. The weather did not cooperate, and big storms were predicted. So, I shifted. I stayed home and cleaned off my desk. I got done all the tasks at the bottom of my to-do list that never seem to get done. I felt so accomplished! I felt so proud of myself! My day was constantly interrupted by pings on my phone as friends reached out to wish me happy birthday. I let myself be surprised by each message, delighted that loved ones remembered (even though I had not stopped talking about my birthday for weeks now). I then went to get fried pickles for dinner (along with a burger) with a friend. When we sat down and promptly ordered fried pickles, we were told they were out. My jaw dropped, I asked if they were out forever or just today. There was a laugh and then a reassurance that it was just for today. I took a deep breath and said, ‘Phew, then I will come back for birthday pickles tomorrow. Today I will just have the burger.’ The waiter, looking confused, laughed and then said, ‘Great, how do you want your birthday burger cooked today?’ It was the perfect birthday day! |
| Golden Nuggets: 1. Do what is right for you. There is no one right way to celebrate a birthday. We each get to do what feels right for us. If you want to spend it in reflection, great! If you want to spend it eating ice cream, great! If you want to spend it giving out stickers, great! If you want to spend it at work, great! If you want it to feel like every other day, great! Spend your birthday in a way that feels best to you!!! 2. Create moments of joy. The world feels upside down, and it is easy to let that be the main feeling we walk around with all the time. That does not serve us. We need to open to moments of joy. It helps sustain us and keeps us moving forward. No matter how hard things are today, there are moments of joy to be found. Taking a breath when the sun hits your face, sending a happy birthday text to a friend, or dancing down the street to just one song. You may have to create it, and I promise it is worth the effort. 3. Share joy with others. If each of us created a moment of joy each day that we could share, we would all have multiple moments of joy each day. That would change the world! Whether it is birthday joy or just a regular Monday joy, look for ways you can share it. It is more important than ever, and once you get started, it is also easier than you may think. |
| One step at a time… Please know that joy comes in so many forms. It is possible that as you read this email, the things that I do to celebrate my birthday or share joy don’t resonate with you. That is ok! You don’t need to celebrate the way that I celebrate. The important thing is that you do celebrate. Celebrate yourself, celebrate others. The important thing is that you find joy in your life. Maybe you have enough left over to help one other person find you in their life. Especially if you have a partner, children, co-workers, or neighbors, creating moments of joy for others can transform those relationships. So what is the one step you can take? Think about what your birthday means to you. Don’t just skip over it. Ask other people what their birthday means to them. It may open some interesting conversations. Make a list of things that bring you joy. Make a list of things that bring you joy that you could do in less than 5 minutes. Make a list of things that bring you joy that you can do without leaving your home. Ask someone what 3 things that bring them joy. Smile at a stranger. Pretend it’s a friend’s birthday the next time you go to dinner and get a candle in their dessert, even if it is not their birthday. Hold the door open for a stranger. Give a sticker to an adult you casually engage with, someone at the bank, the person behind you at the grocery store, a waitress. At the end of each day, look for the one moment of joy that happened in your day. Even if you didn’t intentionally create one, you may find it! Sometimes we think celebrations or joy need to be big, extensive moments. They can be, but they can also be found in the simplest of experiences. Build more small moments of joy into your life. ps – The picture below is from earlier this year. I didn’t make it to the beach this birthday day, and I still wanted to share beach vibes 🙂 |
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