Building Connection
| Getting along with others I spend a lot of time thinking about how to get along with others. Sometimes this comes from reflecting on my personal life, sometimes from an individual session, and sometimes from creating a new talk. What’s most interesting is that building connections is the same in all these different situations! It can feel very different. We think about it differently. Yet, connection is always built with the same basic elements. It requires commitment, consistency, and the spark of possibility. Let me explain… You have to be committed to building connections. We all have so many thoughts in our heads, all the time. It’s easy to get lost in them. When you’re with someone else —anyone else —are you committed to building a connection with them, or are you focused on your own internal process? When we are committed to connection, it opens up the spark of possibility (more on the spark in a moment). Consistency is not about any single interaction; it’s about practice. Connection is like a muscle that needs to be exercised. The more you consistently practice connecting with others, the more you develop genuine connection. In any ongoing relationship, there will be hiccups and bumps—moments when the connection falters. That’s okay if you consistently come back to focusing on connection and caring for the other person. The spark of possibility is where some of the magic of connection resides. When you’re with someone, do you wonder what could be possible in a positive way? Do you think about the good outcomes a conversation could have? Do you consider how amazing this other person is or might be? Honestly, most of us don’t. Yet, when we do, it creates a spark! This is the spark of connection, and it allows all sorts of good possibilities to unfold. The thing about connection is that there’s no perfect formula because it’s a dance between two people that is constantly in motion. The more you commit to building connection, practice consistently, and nurture the spark, the more likely your connection will grow! |
| Wishing for the perfect story As I sit here writing this email to you, it is a bit different from my usual flow. There is no story in my head, an individual situation that I want to talk with you about today. It is more of an overwhelming feeling of the importance of connection. We live in a busy world, full of distractions, technology, and separation. We also live in a world full of humans, possibilities, and moments to come together. Both are true, real, and impactful. Where we focus is often how we feel about the world. When working on our mental health, it is important to look for the moments of positivity that our brain may not naturally notice. When we want to improve the harmony in our homes, it is important to consistently give attention to connection as we dance through life. When at work, finding a commitment to building connections makes the entire company’s culture feel better and increases efficiency. These ideas have been swirling around my head this week as I celebrated my dad’s birthday without being with him in person. I noticed the connection in a second-hand bookstore I was in, as the person working there helped me understand the store’s layout. I felt the delight of connection as a coffee meeting with a colleague turned into the start of a friendship. I would share all the ways I see it in my individual sessions, yet I want to honor the trust of those moments and the privacy of those I work with. Know there is moment after moment of parents building connection with each other, families finding ways back to connection through sparks of possibility, and individuals strengthening the muscles of connection to build the experiences they desire. |
| Golden Nuggets of the Week: 1. Life is a collection of moments. Just as I don’t have one story for you today, life isn’t defined by a single moment. Life is built from all the moments combined. Take some time to focus on connection and see what blossoms in your life. 2. Connection requires commitment, consistency, and a spark. It’s not magic; some people naturally have it and others don’t. Connection is a skill, a muscle that can be strengthened. Deciding it’s important is the first step. Consider where in your life you’d like to put more energy into building connection, and commit five minutes a day, an hour a week, or whatever works best for you. 🙂 3. Connection requires consistency. I love quick, one-and-done experiences. But many things in life, including connection, need ongoing attention and care. For any relationship you want to prioritize, you need to keep showing up for that person. As a skill, it requires practice. Especially when things get tough, it’s easy to avoid connection—consider coming back and trying again. Your consistency in moving forward will pay off. 4. Connection needs a spark of possibility. This might be my favorite part of connection—and perhaps the hardest, because it’s not always natural for many of us. Right now, think of someone you’d like to connect with better. Imagine what life could be like if you got along well with them. Think about what you could laugh about and how it might bring ease to your life. Hold onto this image and recall it just before you see them next. Walking into the connection with this spark of possibility can change the entire experience! |
| One step at a time Connection is foundational, in my opinion. It feels like a need that sustains us, just like air or food. We cannot get through life alone, and most of us don’t want to, though we struggle to build strong, positive connections. I hope my thoughts today helped you see new possibilities in connection. A way to mend a challenged relationship or to inspire an idea to make a good connection even better. Take a few minutes right now. Consider who you want to build a better connection with in your life. Think about what you need to prioritize to make that improvement – commitment, consistency, or a spark of possibility. Now decide on one action step you will take for the next 7 days. It’s an experiment. Decide on one small step and see what happens. This could be visualizing the spark of possibility every morning. This could be showing up every day, with this person prioritizing the time together over the to-do list in your head. This could be sending them a kind note several times this week. This could be asking out loud, ‘I wonder what interesting experience we will have together today.’ This could be telling them you are prioritizing the connection. There are countless more ways that you could build more connections today. Me? I am going to practice reaching out to loved ones I have not connected with in a while. Let them know I’m thinking of them and am sending love. |
| Happy Connecting, Dr. Marcie 🙂 |
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