The Impact of Bullying
| Lifelong friendships are powerful This week, I want to share a story with you about my mom. Over the past several months, an amazing experience unfolded. This is all with her permission and the permission of her friend. My mom has a friend, let’s call her Debbie, they grew up together. They have known each other for over 7 decades. As children, neither of them was athletic. As an adult, my mom started playing tennis. Debbie started playing tennis in her late 60s and has been playing for over a decade now. Debbie recently turned 80 and plays tennis several times a week. I truly hope that when I’m her age I am running around the tennis court like she is! She loves it. Tennis keeps her physically healthy. Tennis provides a great social outlet. Tennis is one of her happy places! Over the summer, she said to my mom that she was thinking of quitting. My mom was so confused. What could make her give up something she loves so much? So my mom asked her what has her thinking about quitting. Debbie said there is someone at the tennis club who is unkind to her. This person was always at the courts and made playing tennis not as much fun. She was not enjoying going to play as much as she used to because she had so much anxiety about seeing this person. Debbie felt like her only option was to quit because there was no stopping this person. My mom’s heart sank. She knew there had to be another way and was determined to figure out a way to help her friend. |
| A weekly text that changed everything Debbie had started to believe what this bully was saying. Her self-image was suffering because of someone else’s cruelty. My mom gave Debbie a pep talk, reminding her that she is a “Bad-Ass”. A term my mom loves for herself, and that helps her feel powerful. My mom said the bully doesn’t know who Debbie really is, and she doesn’t need to listen to this person. She needs to remember her strength and power and ignore the mean words. Knowing that this pep talk would only go so far and ignoring someone is really hard, my mom asked when this person was on the courts with Debbie. Learning that Tuesday was the day this person played tennis with Debbie, my mom started sending Tuesday-morning text messages. Funny memes about being a Bad-Ass. Every Tuesday! My mom did this for months. It was not much effort. It didn’t take much time. I think my mom loved being able to give her friend this boost. A small step that had a big impact. Debbie went to tennis each Tuesday with a reminder of how amazing she is and that she is loved. It made it easier to ignore the bully. Sometimes we need to stand up to someone who is being mean. Sometimes ignoring them can be more powerful. At some point, Debbie shared with her other tennis friends about these text messages. Now, her tennis friends call her a Bad-Ass. She laughs about it, with a huge smile on her face. A couple of weeks ago she was talking with my mom and said, “You know, I have decided to stick with it and not quit tennis.” |
| Golden Nuggets: 1. Bullying happens at any age. We hear about bullying most with children, yet bullying can happen at any age. As adults, we can be just as impacted when someone is mean. It is never ok to bully someone and if you are being bullied, ask for help. You never know who will support you in changing the situation. 2. Love over hate. The solution was not for Debbie to start being mean to the bully or tell them they are a poopie-head. The solution was for Debbie to love herself more. She needed help in seeing her amazingness, we all do sometimes! When people are being mean, we sometimes want to meet their cruelty with more cruelty, but that is not the solution. Meeting hate with love, self-love, or love for humanity makes an even bigger change. 3. How we see ourselves depends on who we are around. Our self-image and self-esteem are not fixed. They are malleable and change. When we are around people who reflect the best in ourselves, we see the best in ourselves. When we are around people who reflect negativity, we start to see negativity in ourselves. Notice the reflection you are receiving, from your own thoughts and those around you. Decide which voices you want to amplify intentionally. 4. Small steps lead to big changes. One text message, sent once a week, brought in a flood of goodness for Debbie. It was such a small step, yet it had such a big impact. Where could you take a small step for yourself, for a friend, or for your community that will make a big impact? It is the collective small steps that change the world. |
| One step at a time Your small step from this week’s email could be very literal. Pick one person in your life and send them a weekly text full of love, strength, and possibility. My mom will keep sending Debbie texts every Tuesday to help her stay the Bad-Ass she is! Your small step from this week may be a bit more creative. Deciding on a different action to take to help someone in your family or at work. Bringing soup to a friend who is sick or passing along a puzzle you have finished. Perhaps your small step is to help a stranger. I tend to leave notes of inspiration with the check when I eat out. Maybe you will start singing positive songs as you walk down the street to make people smile as they pass you. This week, the small step could be to notice the negativity you share versus the positivity you share. I wish for all of us to be more like my mom and less like the bully in this story. Yet, we are human and sometimes we don’t notice how our negativity seeps out. The world needs more goodness, more love, more Bad-Asses. So remember it is less about what you do for your small step, than that you take a small step this week. |
| I’m now on Substack Join my Substack – Parenting Adult Children This week, I shared how to shift from criticism to compassion. |
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