The Paradox of Choice
| What to write about today… As I open my computer to write to you this morning, I wonder which topic is best to share with you. There are so many different directions in my head. Do I talk about Juneteenth? As it is June 19th, and celebrating the end of slavery feels so important. Do I talk about the Knicks winning? As a New Yorker, I find it very exciting. Do I talk about Father’s Day? As it is happening this weekend. Do I share the story about my week and the hard conversation I had with some friends? As this is what I have been sharing recently. Do I talk about community? As I have been thinking a lot lately about the difference between being part of a group and being part of a community. My head is spinning with the options. I take a deep breath to decide on the topic , and I realize, this is what I want to talk about. The stress that comes with having too many options! From the mundane options like what to wear today and what to have for breakfast to the big options like where to take a family vacation and what is prioritized in your budget. When we are part of community – be it our family or our coworkers or our friends – we are often making decisions that impact others. This can mean collaborating with other before the choice is made, navigating and discussing the options together. This can also mean being the decision maker for others or getting comfortable with others making the decision for you. Each side of this coin comes with perks and drawbacks. |
| How to make the decision We all have our own way of making decisions and go through different processes for different decisions. So, I will only speak for myself here. If you have another way, I would love to hear about it! Perhaps my process will shed some insight for you. I tend to have 3 ways I decide: 1. I talk it out. I use this method most for big decisions or emotionally charged ones. If I am upset about something, talking it out helps me move out of emotional reactivity and into logic. I don’t want to act out of my anger or hurt, as I have learned that it does not end well for anyone. Talking it out helps me calm down and find my way to clarity. Once I am clear, I can make the best decision for the situation. 2. I take a deep breath or two and pick. That is what I did with this email. I use this with decisions that are not life changing. When something is important to me and I know there are multiple good answers. I know, any of the topics I was considering sharing about today, I can write about another day and in another way. There are multiple good options, so I can simply decide and then trust that it was a good choice. I do my best to then let go and move forward. 3. I avoid. This is not the best way to handle decisions, yet sometimes I do. This can happen for things that feel important but not urgent. It feels like there is time to make the decision and I am not motivated to do it at that time. Maybe I’m tired or overwhelmed with other things. Maybe it feels hard or out of my comfort zone. I can decide to clean my apartment instead of making one of these decisions. Ultimately, I get around to it either because I realize I am creating more stress by avoiding it or by asking for help. |
| Golden Nuggets: 1. Not all decisions are made the same. There is not just one way to make a decision. There are different ways of doing it based on a number of different variables. You get to decide how to make the decision that best aligns with you. 2. Make the decision. Sometimes, the most important factor is actually making the decision. No matter what topic I wrote about today, there would be a golden nugget for you to take away. No matter what I decided to have for breakfast, I would have energy for my day. Instead of getting caught in the indecision, just pick an option and move forward. 3. There is always more. Do the best with what you know in this moment. If you need to change direction in the future, you can. If you need to do it differently next time, you can. Some decisions are permanent, but that doesn’t mean we can’t adjust, adapt, or shift after they are made if needed. There are always more opportunities to make a different decision in the future. 4. Find ease where you can. There are ways to reduce decision fatigue by creating a system for yourself. Routines help. Schedules help. Maybe you decide to make the same thing for breakfast everyday, taking away that decision. Maybe you decide on a certain structure of outfit everyday (jeans and tee or black slacks and a button down shirt) to reduce the variables of getting dressed. Maybe you decide that you will sit down to plan the vacation on July 1st and wait till then to think about it. Create systems that help you reduce the number of decisions and make them at times when you have the space for it. |
| One step at a time… Deciding to write about choices, instead of any of the ideas I had been considering, feels great. Not just because I am at the end of this email 🙂 Because it shows the dance that happens first, before any topic I share with you. Today, I started at the beginning of the process! Maybe that is where you need to start. Considering what choices feel hard lately. What decisions are easy? Think through what the difference is between these two situations. Your first step could be making one decision each day by taking a breath and deciding. Making the decision faster than you usually do and remembering that there is always a chance to do it differently in the future. Your first step could be remembering that there are multiple good choices. So you make a decision and then celebrate, because it feels good, rather than doubting if it was the best one. Your first step could be thinking about how you make decisions so you know what tools are in your tool kit. We live in a time when there is an abundance of choices, about everything! This is a wonderful thing, as long as we get comfortable making more choices. My hope is that whatever you choose, you do it with ease. |
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