Making a Candle
| Have you ever made a candle? I have dunked my hands in wax, as part of a fancy manicure, and at festivals to make a mold. However, I had never made a real candle before. So, when a colleague emailed me and said her school was inviting me to a thank-you event for their partners, a candle-making event. I was in! You may already know, I love a new adventure. This felt like such a creative way to come together. Having an activity can make it easier to connect with new people. It was such a smart way to host a networking event, and one I had not experienced before. I put it on my calendar, added in the address, and then forgot about it for the next several weeks. |
| Then Monday came around On Monday mornings, I look at my calendar to see what the week has in store. There are always things that I have forgotten were scheduled or need a reminder of exactly what is unfolding. Thursday afternoon, there it was, ‘Candle Making!’ Rather than feeling excited, I felt nervous. I didn’t know anyone going. I didn’t know what was going to unfold. I considered backing out altogether. Then a friend texted me to ask if I was going to this event. I told her I wasn’t sure, but if she was going, I would be there. It helped knowing one other person, besides the organizers. Somehow, I felt brave knowing a friend would be there. Though honestly, this was a really low-stakes event, not sure at all why I was nervous. Then again, we don’t always get to decide how we feel. I was committed and started to get excited again. It was like a curiosity about what was to come. |
| Then it was Thursday I woke up anxious about this event again. Strange but true. I circled in my mind about what to wear. Will it be messy? Do I need to wear something that I can get dirty in? How can I look professional while getting messy? Will my clothes smell after? What will other people wear? What shoes will work, as I might want to walk home after? This is where my mind got stuck. I also spiraled about who else would be there and if they would like me. If I would do a good job at actually networking and talking about my work. If people would group up, and I would be left out, or if I would mess up making my candle. None of these thoughts were rational or sane. Just spirals of questions in my head that I kept talking myself through. After 25 years, I still wonder how best to talk about my work. After a lifetime of making friendships, I still worry about meeting new people. No matter how old I get, how much therapy I do, or how much I meditate, there is still a voice in my head that wants to make sure I fit in. I’ve learned that the goal is not to get rid of that voice but to seek the neutral truth. Truth is, I know what I do, I know my elevator pitch, and am passionate about my work, so chances are I can share well. Truth is, I can find common ground with anyone and a topic to talk about, so chances are I will find my way through conversations. |
| I made a candle Turns out all that worrying was wasted energy. The event was great! We picked our own scents and the color of the candle holder. We mixed our own scents and added them into the wax, then poured it into the candle holder. Yes, I was trusted with hot wax! I learned that I like a strong citrus scent in my candles. As people came in and we all got introduced, I remembered that everyone there decided to come to meet new people and participate. How had I forgotten that piece? People were so kind and welcoming. We laughed as we tried different scents together. We realized that what one person liked, another person didn’t, and that was ok. After we made the candles, they had to set. So we went for drinks around the corner. We talked and ate and drank. People asked questions about my work, and I asked about theirs, though mostly we talked about other aspects of our lives. All in all, it was a fabulous event! If you have never made a candle, I highly recommend it for your next adventure! |
| Golden Nuggets: 1. Uncertainty is part of life, like it or not. Our systems do not like uncertainty. Having clarity feels good to our emotions, intellect, and body. Yet, some uncertainty is part of life because there is never a way to know every detail or answer every question. Recognize where uncertainty feels hard, and moving through it with intention is powerful. This is how we build resilience! 2. The drive to fit in is strong. While I don’t think of myself as someone who wants to fit in, I do. It is about determining how I let that urge manifest in my life. There are lots of ways I have let my unique voice shine through, and those moments have required me to build awareness. When we know how our desire to fit in shows up for ourselves, we can intentionally choose what is actually right for ourselves and not just because everyone else is doing something. 3. Consider the best-case scenario. All week, my mind kept circling the negative possibilities. What unfolded was the best case scenario…which I had not considered. When feeling nervous about something, intentionally consider the best-case scenario. Write the good story that may unfold. It is important we remember this, because this may be what unfolds! |
| One step at a time… When I was thinking about sharing this story with you, I realized there are so many different ways to apply it to life. So many ways I see others going through a similar set of steps that are hard. Perhaps it is at your own networking event. Perhaps it is a teenager navigating high school. Perhaps it is with a 5-year-old playing at recess. Perhaps it is a family event or friend’s birthday party. The experience around making a candle also has a mirror to the macro scale in the world. Perhaps that is a topic for a future email. Part of why I shared this story is to remind you that you are not alone in feeling the way you do about events in your life. This alone is a powerful small step. Another reason is to build compassion for others around you. Maybe you don’t feel nervous walking into an event, but someone else might. Remembering this will allow you to offer a little kindness to another person. Maybe you walk over and say hi first or invite someone to join a conversation that’s already in motion. One more part is to help see the dance between enthusiasm and anxiety. I feel like I danced between nervous and excited all week. My guess is that no one around me would have guessed I had anxiety about this at all. It is easy to brush aside our anxiety or someone else’s; it is also ok to validate it and move through it. Anxiety is a problem when it stops us from moving forward. This week, for me, it was information about how I was thinking about the event, a place where I can learn more about myself. I wonder: what did you relate to from my story? Ask yourself, what can you learn about yourself from noticing your response to different events? |
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