Finding Similarities
| Look for similarities When I was a kid, in the doctor’s office, there was Highlights, a magazine with puzzles and games for kids. I loved when they had 2 pictures side by side, seemingly the same. The direction would be to find the differences. There were usually 5-10 differences that were small and subtle. Like a clock in the background set to 9:00 in one picture and set to 12:00 in the other. Visual processing and paying attention to details are what I loved. Having to pay attention to small elements is what made it fun for me. I use the same skill set when I do jigsaw puzzles now. Instead of looking for differences, I look for similarities. I try to find the pieces that align and how a shape or color will come together by connecting pieces. |
| The tool is neutral, the application is a choice My brain is wired to process visual information in a certain way that makes this type of puzzle or game really fun. Honestly, I can look for differences just as easily as I can look for similarities. The skill is neutral, and I get to decide how I apply it. As a behaviorist, I know the power of patterns and intentionally use this skill to build a positive muscle in my brain. Finding similarities is a choice. I choose to play games and do puzzles that build the positive skill of seeing similarities. This becomes a skill that goes far beyond jigsaw puzzles or Highlights magazine. It is a skill that unconsciously follows me into the world. When meeting new people, I look for the similarities, and that creates a connection. When traveling to new places, I look for similarities, and that creates familiarity. When facing a new problem, I look for similarities, which it allows me to find the solution with more ease. |
| Places I am seeing similarities These ideas came to me because I have been thinking about all the holidays that have been/are happening. We just passed the equinox and EID. We are heading into Passover and Easter. I’m sure there are other holidays that I don’t know about that are currently being celebrated in these few weeks, so please let me know what I have missed. In the world we live in, it is easy to see these as differences. Different religions, celebrating different holidays, with different people. This perspective creates division and separation. I see these as amazing similarities. Each of these religions is made up of humans. Each of these celebrations has rituals that are important. Each of these holidays brings people together. I see unification in the timing that so many of us have something to celebrate and reasons to come together at the same time! Each of us gets to decide how we apply the knowledge that so many holidays across religions occur within a few weeks. |
| Golden Nuggets: 1. Practice builds habits. Whatever you practice will build a skill. How you spend your time will build a skill. Your perspective and thought processes are skills to build. Spend time practicing habits you want to build. 2. Seeing differences or similarities is a skill. The unconscious brain is controlled by your habits and the perspectives you build. The unconscious brain is powerful and will dictate if you see similarities or differences as you move through the world. If you see negativity/disconnection/differences all around you, then perhaps you need to practice seeing more positivity/connection/similarities. 3. Similarities bring people together. We tend to connect with people who are like us. The definition of who is ‘like us’ is determined by your own perspective. Looking for similarities means you will see more people ‘like us’ and will make it easier to connect with others. |
| One step at a time… Sometimes it feels like magic, the way I see goodness and connection in the world. Then I remind myself: it is not magic; it is my intention and a habit I have built. I don’t have blinders to the differences and division. I see it in the world, in the country, in communities. I see it in organizations and in homes. I have watched as individuals within a business build connections by recognizing similarities, and how this has transformed the company. I have sat with families as they came back together and remembered they had the same dreams of joy and laughter. I know that seeing similarities everywhere has made my life better. I know it changes relationships, homes, and organizations. You get to decide how you want to walk in the world and what impact you want to make. Deciding that you want to see similarities is a great step, in and of itself! Maybe that means you find a game on your phone that is about matching the same items or a board game that is cooperative. Maybe that means next time you sit down with a co-worker, you look for similarities in experiences. Maybe that means you talk with your kids about the ways your family is like other families. Maybe that means at the end of the day, you think about 5 things you did the same as someone else you know. Maybe that means the next time you go to point out a difference or correct someone else, you pause to see if there is a way to think about it in a new way that builds similarities. Simply honoring that you do things differently and both accomplish the goal is a similarity. The intention is to practice seeing similarities, so maybe you give yourself grace when you see differences. Know this is part of change and part of life, and building a new habit takes time. |
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