Too many shoulds
| This week I was crunchy I felt crunchy most of this week. If we have ever met outside my weekly-ish newsletters, you know that most of the time I am positive and enthusiastic about life. I find the silver linings in most situations and can turn hard moments into inspiration. Not this week! It started over the weekend, when on Saturday evening I had no plans. Normally, that would be lovely, especially on a nice summer evening; there is so much to do in Brooklyn! Instead, I decided I should go food shopping. So that is what I did, even though I had food at home and didn’t really need or want to go. Sunday morning, similar story. I set my alarm to wake up early for the gym. When it went off, I did not want to get up and go. Most mornings, I do, I am excited for the gym and getting healthier. Not this Sunday. The thought I kept having was, I should go. So I got up and was crunchy through the entire workout. I could list 7 more examples from this week but I hope you get it. My head kept telling me I should do things and that made everything feel crunchy. |
| I watched my words When I hear ‘should’ in my head, I know I am operating out of a false obligation. The decision comes from some external pressure or story that is not aligned for what is actually true for me. When I need to do something, it feels important. When I want to do something, it feels exciting. When I delight in doing something, it feels inspired. When I can do something, it feels like a choice. When I must do something, it feels significant. When I should do something, it feels crunchy. Are all these words interchangeable? Sort of. There are certainly times when I say I need to do something I want to do, or that I must do something that I delight in doing. Words matter and I know that. So, when my words include should, I know something is off. Getting out of my crunch place was not as easy as it may sound in what follows. It took work and focus and was well worth both! I am back to my optimistic disposition and that is important to me. |
| I needed to shift One thing I did was watch for the word should. When it showed up, I got curious. I did my best not to judge myself, though sometimes I did. I asked questions like ‘Why should I do this?’, ‘Do I want to do this?’, and ‘What would be my best option here?’ Sometimes my brain would bite back and repeat that I should, so I should, so just do it. Yes, my brain can be like a cranky 4-year-old having a tantrum. Luckily, I know that cranky 4-year-olds just need a bit of patience and consistency. I kept asking questions when I had time. That meant sometimes I asked questions and came to a different action step. It also meant that at times I asked questions afterward to see what I could have done differently. It took a few days, and slowly the shoulds began to fade. I started to feel more myself. My words felt more aligned with how I want to be in the world. Honestly, I don’t want to do things because I should. I want to do things because I want to, because they feel important, because they make me happy, because they make others happy, because they make the world a better place. This list could go on and on and on and on. |
| Golden Nuggets: 1. Stop doing what you should do. There are so many good reasons to do things. Simply because you should is not one of them. Find inspired reasons that matter to you for everything you do. It can be because it touches your heart or helps put food on the table. It can be because it helps out a family member or keeps you safe. So many different ways to consider what you do in the world that help you, much more than thinking you ‘should’. 2. Change the story you are creating. It is not that going grocery shopping or going to the gym was a problem; it was how I was thinking and feeling about it. Changing the story would have changed my entire experience. If I went to the grocery store because I had time and this way would be set all week for food, that feels exciting. If I went to the gym because the weight lifting class I signed up for helps me safely build muscle, that feels smart. Changing the story changes the feelings. 3. Ask questions. One of the best ways to figure out the right actions for you is to ask questions. There is no right thing for everyone, it is always a personal decision. So ask yourself questions to find the right action and the right story for yourself. Asking myself why I was crunchy really helped this week. I didn’t always have an answer but it let me see the pattern I was creating. |
| One step at a time… Stop doing things simply because you should! Pay attention to your words because they matter more than you may know. Get curious when you feel crunchy. Ask yourself questions until you find the action step that is right for you this week! |
