December has been FULL in my world! So many places to go, people to see, things to do.

I will admit, sometimes I don’t want to go or see or do anything!

Once I’m there, it is always (ok, almost always) fabulous! The thought of the event can be a hurdle, even when I know I will have fun once I get there.

This weekend was full of holiday parties. I think I have 4 events.

On an average weekend, I don’t want to plan more than 2-3 things so that I have down time to relax or go food shopping. Getting done all the things that need to happen to make my week go smoother.

This past weekend, that was not an option. So many celebrations to attend!!!

They were all things I was excited about. But when Saturday evening rolled around and I had to get ready for my 3rd party, I did not want to.

In my head, I was having a tantrum like a 3 year old. Listing all the reasons I should just put on my pjs, curl under a blanket, and watch a good movie.

Yes, I thought about listing all my reasons…I know this may help you relate to my story. No, I am not going to list my reasons…as I know this may give you more reasons to not want to go to your parties.

After a solid 15 minutes of ranting in my own head. I said, out loud, “STOP IT! ENOUGH”.

I needed to shock myself out of my thoughts. It worked.

Instead of mindlessly getting ready while naming all the reasons the party was going to be terrible, I decided to sit down and make an intentional choice.

I asked myself – Am I going to the party or am I going to skip the party?

Giving myself a choice made me feel empowered. I could actually just stay home and watch a movie. I got excited at the freedom of this idea. No one was making me go, I was not being forced or dragged to this party.

If I didn’t go, would people be disappointed – yes.
If I didn’t go, would people be mad at me – maybe.
If I didn’t go, would people never speak to me again – no.

I was not going to lose relationships if I didn’t go. It might have meant some deep apologizing and hard feelings overall but we could get through that.

This was so freeing! I was in charge of my night. I could go or I could stay…it was up to me! Yes, I would have to face the impact of my decision and the decision was mine to make.

With this new found freedom I realized I wanted to go. That I was just making up stories in my head that were making everything feel hard. Instead I wanted to make up stories that would make things feel easier.

I put on some music, took out my sparkle boots (oh yes, see the picture below), and gave myself a pep talk…

“This is MY LIFE (yes Bon Jovi said it first)
I get to decide how I feel.
I am going to the party and I am excited about it.
Seeing friends, eating yummy food, and listening to live music all are things I enjoy. Meeting new people is interesting and I never know what I will discover about myself in that process.
I am living a great life and how amazing that I get to go to a party tonight with fascinating people. It is going to be GREAT!”

Then I started to get ready for real.

Step by step I got dressed and ready. I stayed with my pep talk about how much fun I was going to have and wondered where the night would lead.

Then I went!!!

In my sparkle boots I had a great time!

The golden nuggets for you this week:

1. You have choices also! I know that it may not always feel that way, but you do. You get to choose if you go to the party. You get to choose how you feel about going to the party. You get to choose the story you tell yourself about the party.

Yes, the party may not always be a party…be creative 😉

2. The pep talk I gave myself was actually a behavioral tool called pre-framing. It is the story we tell ourselves about what is going to happen in the future. In the beginning of my night I was negatively pre-framing the evening and it was making everything feel hard. Then I shifted it to a positive pre-frame where I saw the exciting elements of the night.

Truth is, I didn’t know what would unfold. Both were just ideas I had. Shifting to the better ideas helped make my time getting ready more fun, helped me be excited about the party, and ultimately made the party more fun because I was excited to be there.

You can do this also! Do you have any events coming up that you could use a positive pre-frame for? Tell yourself the good story about what may unfold and see what happens! Try telling those around you the good story and see what shifts!

Today is the last day of work for many before a holiday break!
Tomorrow is the winter solstice!
Next week I will celebrate Hanukkah with my family!

Hope you are taking time to recharge, celebrating with people you care about, and finding a way to positively pre-frame what is unfolding in your life!

Happy Holidays!