Intentional Parenting: Not Becoming the Parent you had – Podcast Episode 9 of Season 2-Season Finale
Michael has 3 wonderful women in his life. His two daughters: Juniper who is 6 and Diana who is 3, and his wife Nora. As a family they make an event of Sunday swim classes, walking together to class and then out to brunch after. While the girls love their time in the pool, the family gets to have a joyful day together with swimming being in the center of it.
Lately Michael has been thinking about re-parenting, a concept Dr. Marcie had not heard before. The idea is that we parent the way we were parented, which certainly makes sense. Michael was raised with an authoritative dad is finding that is not how he wants to parent and yet instinctually does at times. The stern disciplinarian comes out and he is curious how to change.
Dr. Marcie asked when are the moments he is more likely to go into these responses. Michael shared that it is often when others are around or when the girls are not listening.
Here are the 3 big suggestions that Dr. Marcie shared:
1. Do not assume that other people’s opinions are right. When relatives or friends are around and they comment on your kids behavior, you are more likely to jump to stop something and make a change. However, their opinion might not be right. Make sure to pause and assess for yourself. Sometimes the right course of action is to reinforce that what your kids are doing is a-okey with you.
2. When it comes to listening skills, the authoritative perspective is a correction. Instead try to use positive action based directions. Tell the girls what to do in specific language and then keep guiding them until the action happens. This keeps everyone on track and teaches them to listen.
3. We know when our hard moments are. We know what routines are more challenging. So proactively talk about this, pre-frame the event with positivity, rather than waiting for it to fall apart. Share that you are heading to a certain activity and you know it is going to be smooth sailing. It helps everyone stay in a productive and positive state of mind.
Michael’s one small step take away was about the division of his attention and how to make sure he is providing positive attention when things are going well, rather than corrective attention when there are hard moments. Specifically this guidance was around hitting. Listen to the whole episode to get all the details on this golden nugget!”